"the next time they come to the Big House [U of M's stadium]. You'll be sitting there, watching Game Day, when you'll see me come BOUNDING! over the fence and RUSH! the stage. AS I sit there and BEAT! [Fowler's] face into hamburger, I am going to look into the camera and explain why I am doing it to the viewers. THEN!, I am going to take Corso and chuck his senile body over the side, whereupon I and Herbstreidt will have an INTELLIGENT! conversation."
My favorite part was when he said he was going to explain why he was doing what he was doing to the viewers. It reminded me of This Old House.
Speaking of This Old House, I think this might be a good time for another impersonation of a celebrity-administered beating:
[Norm Abrahms, addressing the camera] "Let's
take a peak inside and see what ah spo'ts infa'mation contracta is up to."
[Norm walks onto the set of Game Day]
"Hiya Aaron."
"Hey theh
Nahm."
"You look
pretty busy theh, but do you mind telling the folks at home just what it
is yar up to?"
"Shah Nahm.
What I'm workin ahn heah is beating the bajeeziz outta Chris Fowla.
Now, as you can see, the way I like to do that is to grip him with my left
hand by the knot of his tie heah, then use my right hand in sart of a jack-hamma-type
motion to blugeon his facial ahrea."
"Mind if I
give it a shot?", Norm asks with raised eyebrows and a broad smile.
"Shah thing
Nahm." [Aaron the contractor tries to mirror Norm's smile as he steps
aside, but keeps his eyes fixed uncomfortably on Fowler, betraying his
apprehension that this TV hack will ruin his day's work.]
[Before starting
in on the job, Norm turns and addresses the camera, stroking a length of
board admiringly as he speaks] "For an old pro like Aaron heah, using
yar bare fist is fine, but for the do-it-ya-selfa, I recommend taking about
a three foot length of two-be-far or some scrap coppa pipe, gripping
one end like this, and simply using the otha end to beat Chris Fowla about
the head." [As Norm (now wearing safety goggles) begins pummeling,
he turns his head back over his shoulder and addresses the viewers in a
raised voice] "Now rememba, you always wanna hit Chris Fowla with
the NARROW edge'a the bard- AGAINST THE GRAIN. If you hit him with
the broad side'a the bard, you risk snapping yar lumba right in half.
[he takes a few more swings, exagerating the proper technique, then steps
aside and faces Aaron while propping one arm casually on the two-by-four
and wiping his brow with the other] Well, thanks a bunch Aaron, and
nice work by the way- I barely recognize him from last week. It'll
be real interesting to see what you've done with him by the time we check
back next."
"Ah right
then Nahm." [Aaron forces another smile as he turns back to the job
at hand, but it is obvious that he did not appreciate the interuption]