"Some people in Washington are saying that I've abandoned the War on Drugs in favor of the War on Hippies.  The truth is, I haven't abandon anything: I've just changed the battle plan.  The past 15 years have proven that the top-down approach to fighting drugs WILL NOT WORK.  It stands to reason that we should attack drugs the same way we attack a tube'a toothpaste [pauses to make an 'I've just made a joke' face].  FORGET the top, FORGET the bottom:  we need to go STRAIGHT...FOR...THE MIDDLE.   I b'lieve that I have a more comprestensive knowledge of the recreational drug issue than any prior US president that has come before me IN OUR HISTORY.  Because of this, I know that if you ELIMINATE THE HIPPIE DRUGS; eliminate the pot, eliminate the mushrooms, eliminate the other hallufinagins, there won't be any of the what we used to call 'JV drugs' left to lead to the harder stuff.   In other words, there will be no stepping stones left between doin' a shot of Jack and shootin' some smack [pauses for another 'I've just made a joke' face].  Once we've sucessfully attacked the MIDDLE part of the drug problem with the War on Hippies, the top part of the problem -the hardcore narcotics that we're fightin' so hard and so futile against now with so many of your tax dollars- that top part will die off like the leaves of a tree when the middle, trunk part's been chopped away.  Once dead, we'll dump the top part of this proburbial tree BACK on the property of our Latin American neighbors and begin putting War on Drugs dollars back into the pockets of middle-class American people where they belong."

Explaining with forced country-boy charm that his mother [Barbara Bush] always taught him to test for color-fastness in an inconspicuous corner when laundering a stain, Bush has decided to first test the War on Hippies in "the top left corner" of the United States.

Photo:  Criticized by some as communist and degrading, the "Eye for an Eye" clause in Oregon's test-legislation empowers police officers to give smelly hippies a taste of their own medicine.

Degrading as this may be, at least one hippie living in the War on Hippies test-region has spoken out in support of Portland's police pittings, stating "pittings suck, no doubt, but it totally beats a kick in the nads from some T2 robot-dude":