Historical Perspective-
It is said
that those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
I would like to remind readers that this is not the first time that our
nation has suffered through a scandal centered on collegiate lacrosse suspects.
One incident from my undergraduate tenure at Penn State comes to mind...
| Theft: Brother's Pizza, 129 S. Fraser St.,
reported a delivery car and two pizzas were stolen from in front of Calder
Commons apartments. The people stole the pizzas inside the vehicle and
left it one block away, State College police said.
Police said an apartment security camera showed that the driver of the vehicle was a white man wearing a Penn State Lacrosse jacket. The camera also showed a pedestrian who tried to stop the theft, police said. |
I forget how that ended, but I think they did end up nabbing
a couple guys from the lacrosse team. Then, two short weeks later,
the campus community was rocked by a second scandal. It is unknown
what, if any role lacrosse players and/or Islamic extremism may have played
in this incident...
| Theft: State College police said someone
entered a house at 500 E. Beaver Ave. Saturday night and took two bottles
of wine, two boxes of Triscuits and an undetermined amount of bread from
a refrigerator.
The suspect then consumed the food and beverages on the porch, leaving a mess behind, police said. |
Ultimately, these were "teaching moments"-- opportunities
for dialog, and for a deeper, stronger understanding of our neighbors.
Two months later, the healing had begun. Old wounds were beginning
to shed the scabs of fear. Fed by the calcium of Trust, the bones
of community were beginning to knit, to become stronger than ever before.
But these two food-related incidents could do nothing to prepare the town,
the gown, or the nation as a whole, for what would happen next...
| Animal Complaints: A dog was reported at
large Monday night at 236 S. Atherton St., the State College Police Department
said.
While being transported to its owner, the dog ate the reporting police officer's pizza, police said. |
They Rally Round Your Family
With a Pocket Full of Shells...
In other news,
the town of Chapel Hill has canceled Apple Chill, their annual arts and
crafts fair, due to repeated gang violence. No kidding. Last
year there were a couple stabbings and this year there were a couple shootings.
It is unclear how gang members from up and down the Eastern seaboard came
to associate their annual field day of pimped-out vehicles and live-ammo
exercises with Chapel Hill's thoroughly lame stroller-fest showcasing hand-crafted
bird houses, hand-strung-together windchimes, and the like. Since
I did not attend Apple Chill, I am not sure exactly which gangs were represented.
Judging by my own experiences growing up, I assume that most of the violence
was between The Greasers and The Soc's.
As much as
I felt a responsibility to provide you the readers with a sweet photo montage
juxtaposing lame-ass upper-middle class moms browsing through a maze of
cheesy, over-priced trinkets against footage of gangsters looking hard
and (as reported by the local papers), flashing gang signs even while being
loaded into an ambulance with multiple gunshot wounds, I knew that if I
went up there I would be either bored to death or shot. And then
you would know nothing of the pizza-scarfing dog. Because right now
I would be either dead or resting comfortably and in good spirits.
And, in either case, continuing to refuse to cooperate with police.
Soc's don't squeal.
Photo: The Apple Chill Festival will no longer be held
due to an increasingly violent gang presence
Related Headlines:
Lacrosse Surpasses Islam On Nation's Shit List |
22 Inch Rims Depress Property Values for 2.2 Mile Radius |