WASHINGTON, DC-
After months of controversy, a council of leading astronomers, anthropologists, and restauranteurs have reclassified the Mrtyle Beach Planet Hollywood restaurant as a Hooters. To many casual observers, the decision seemed obvious as Mrtyle Beach is South Carolina's self-proclaimed "Redneck Riviera" and Hooters is synonymous across America with redneck dining. But according to National Restaurant Association President and CEO Steven Anderson, the decision was not so simple. "While our association has long recognized the redneck character of both Myrtle Beach and Hooters," he said, "our efforts at classification were confounded by the Myrtle Beach Planet Hollywood's unusual morphology." Morphology is a technical term referring to the restaurant's structure or form. "While Hooters' marketing traditionally relies almost exclusively on imagery relating to the human mammaries," Anderson noted, "the Myrtle Beach Planet Hollywood resembles nothing so much as what a man might see if he were lying naked on his back and looking toward his toes."
In the end, the council concluded that, for classification purposes, function was more important than form and agreed that the somewhat hermaphroditic eatery was, functionally, a Hooters. "The giant scrotum motif was a bit of a red herring, it turns out," Anderson said.
Prior to joining the National Restaurant Association, Anderson held positions of leadership at the National Frozen Food Institute for two decades.
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