Repair Sagging Headliner
Mission Control for the Discovery flight has reported that the astronauts spent all day Saturday and most of Sunday working to perform in-flight repairs the shuttle's sagging cloth headliner. Sagging headliners are a common problem in aging American-built vehicles like the '83 Discovery, and NASA experts insist that the billowing beige cloth at no time posed a threat to the mission.
According to crewmembers, the unsightly headliner was not a concern
until
the possibility was raised that there might be female cosmonauts on
board
the Interanational Space Station (ISS). "It was pretty ghetto, but it didn't bother me one way or the other," said crewmember Steve Robinson, "but then we started talking about how there could be some lady-cosmonauts on the ISS and how a lot of those Russian chicks on the mail-order bride sites are pretty hot. When somebody mentioned that Kournikova is Russian, we all pretty much went to work immediately."
Said shuttle commander Eileen Collins, "I can't remember the last time one of these A-holes fixed anything for me."