I get huge volumes of email from readers asking, in so many words, "Webmaster, you are so awesome. Is there some way, some simple recipe I can follow in order to become awesome like you?" The answer is yes. Modern science tells us that we as humans are 97% genetically similar to chimpanzees, and yet we are very different animals, presumably because of the foods we eat. Therefore, in order to make the animal that is you more similar to the animal that is me, you need only know the contents of my recycling bin. It was just a matter of time before you jackals figured this out on your own an began snooping through my waste, so, in order to head you off, I will simply publish the contents of my recycling bin so that it is a freely-available part of the public domain. Here now, the contents of my recycling bin from the past 3 months or so since I last emptied it:
8 - Gallons Orange
Juice from concentrate
10 - 1 pound boxes of
spaghetti
10 - Half Gallons Orange
Juice from concentrate
7 - 2 pound boxes
of spaghetti
5 - Cans Cut Okra
5 - Cups Cup O
Noodles
5 - Cans Refried
Beans
3 - Cups Oodles
of Noodles
2 - Cans Yams
2 - Cans Tuna
2 - Cans Triple
Succotash
1 - Half Gallon
Milk
1 - Jar Sliced
Mushrooms
1 - Can Chicken
Soup
1 - Jar Grape
Jelly
To sum up, in a year you will want to consume roughly 50 gallons of Orange Juice, 100 lbs of Spaghetti (dry weight), 20 lbs Okra, and 20 lbs Refried Beans. Estimates for other key items which do not have recyclable packaging or have packaging that is a hassle to clean well enough to recycle include 50 lbs/year store brand white bread, 10 lbs peanut butter, and 100 lbs (13 gallons) Ragu. Your yearly cost for these items should come out to roughly twelve dollars.
Note: This piece was originally titled "Bin Laden With Valuable Information" but I had to change it because it would have been confusing to people. Six years ago it would have made perfect sense. Today we live in a different world with different homonyms.