The Weak in Review 7/5/99
When I was younger, every once in a while I would be watching
sports with my dad when my mom would walk in and say something like "who's
the pitcher for that team, he's cute" and I would respond indignantly "that's
the quarterback and he's not cute, he's bad-ass". I would then be
left to wonder two things: first of all, how could she not
know the difference between a quarterback and a pitcher and, secondly,
how did the guy she had singled out look any different from anyone else
on the team. After watching a littlewomen's world cup soccer over
the past week, particularly the US and Swedish teams, it all finally makes
sense.
On friday after the bars let out, some guy came up
to us and said that he was a 42 year old songwriter and that earlier in
the evening the Chapel Hill police had thrown him in jail for singing to
two white girls. He then sang two songs and told us that they would
have sounded better if he didn't have an irregular heartbeat and that he
needed 84 cents. There used to be another guy who always asked for
83 cents for bus fare to Durham. I bet if I got a Wall Street Journal
and looked up the price per ounce of crack in the commodities section,
it would be some multiple of 84 cents.
Weak in Review would like to thank Hippy Joe for a
July 4th chock-full of burgers, beer, and blowing stuff up at his 4th of
July/House Chillin' party. Martha Stewart tip for the day:
Several Black Cats in a watermelon wedge will produce an explosion that
is both visually stunning and easy on the ears. Fresh halved tomatoes
are also an excellent choice. On the other hand, brotwurst explosions
are unspectacular and can produce stinging shrapnel. So next
4th of July, don't forget to pick up a few fleshy fruits and vegetables
for your backyard barbeque; sure, the guys may laugh at you at first, but
when it comes time to blow stuff up they'll respect you more than ever.
Archive:
Weak in Review 6/20/99
Weak in Review 6/02/99
Weak in Review 5/19/99
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