At the reception,

One of my relatives signals for a toast.
I politely decline.
The relative persists.
And I give in:

    "Aahhcccchhh, aahhccch, excuse me. Thanks for coming. I have two anecdotes that I would like to share with you today-- one containing exactly three jokes and the other built around a celebrity impersonation and an, uh, look-alike.  Did I already say that?  Anyway, here goes:
    "I first got to know the bride, Theresa here, when Geoff, the groom right there, volunteered me to play on the psychiatry softball team with her and her psychiatry school co-workers.  Playing on the psychiatry team was really different from any other team I'd played on before:
 

  •     For example, one time I got into an argument with the umpires and one of my own teammates shot me with a blow-dart full of thorazine

    •  
  •     Another time I was yelling 'run home, run home!' and the first base coach took me aside and accused me of having an unconsious desire to return to the womb

    •  
  •     The games were supposed to last six innings, but we always played five and then told the other team that they were out of time for today

    •  

     
     
     
     
     

        "Yeah, so the second anecdote is that Geoff was real nervous about meeting Theresa's parents because he had just seen that movie "Meet the Parents" where Ben Stiller goes to meet Cameron Diaz's parents and her dad turns out to be Robert Diniro and so Ben Stiller is really intimidated because he's Robert Diniro and everything.  Anyway, Geoff, the groom here, kept being nervous about going down there to meet Theresa's parents.  He thought it was going to be nothing but this kind of thing:
     
     
     

    diniroI'm meeting you.
    robert_diniroWhat'a your intentions with my dawdah?
    We are meeting, my friend. We are meeting.
     
     

     "Those fears, of course, were completely unwarranted because, as you can see, Theresa's dad turned out to be Gene Hackman:


     
     

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